When your woman is yelling at you, threatening to leave with the kids, or otherwise behaving like an irrational B-I-T-C-H, it’s tempting to utter words like “You better stop this… or I’m going to (leave/call the cops/fucking explode/cancel our trip/etc)!”
Even in the course of a calm conversation about the relationship an ultimatum can escape from your lips.
In fact, we create semi-conscious mini-ultimatums in our own mind that we don’t tell her about. Like… “I swear, if she tells me how I screwed that up ONE more time… I’m getting totally shit-faced in front of the TV tonight.”
Guys – ULTIMATUMS NEVER WORK. Here’s why in a nutshell…
The #1 reason your woman is angry is because she doesn’t feel safe.
That’s worth repeating.
The #1 reason your woman is angry is because she doesn’t feel safe.
She might not feel safe financially. She might not feel safe emotionally. She might not feel safe because she senses your lack of commitment or stability or life direction.
It doesn’t actually matter WHY she doesn’t feel safe, or if it’s a reasonable fear.
The point here is that ANY ultimatum you deliver will make her feel LESS safe, not more safe. Even if you manage to control her for a short time with your ultimatum, her fear will return and express itself in more destructive and painful ways.
So how to deal effectively with her abuse, reprehensible behaviour, crazy threats, and apparent insanity???
1. Don’t take it personally. It’s probably not actually about you (and never was).
2. Don’t believe her. Acknowledge the experience and feelings that she is having. Don’t try to fix it or talk her out of it. But know that the storm will pass and that at her core is feminine trust and bliss. Practice seeing her this way.
3. Be stronger than her craziness. Not in an overpowering or controlling way, but by being totally present with her when she freaks out. Be the calm centre of the storm. Show her that you can meet her with strength and patience.
4. Repeat as often as required.
Not sure you’re up for the task?
I got your back. Here’s how (click here).
