(NOTE: This showed up in my inbox from Bryan Bayer and the AMP - Authentic Man Program – team. Bryan showed up on my radar when he launched his program for men, Authentic Sexual Power.
In this article Bryan introduces a useful metaphor from his garden, shines the light on how shame cripples us men sexually, and invites us to benefit from the learning material that his team has put together to help men face the common challenges that get in the way a fulfilling sexual relationship.
The AMP stuff is largely geared for single guys, but I know that sex – and shame – is a HUGE issue for married men too. In fact, I would say that the sex/shame equation played a major role in the disintegration of my first marriage, and I know many other married men struggle with these issues. So… please check this out. And I’d love to hear your feedback.)
From Bryan/AMP:
There was an intruder in my garden.
Now, I love being in my garden in the backyard of my house in San Francisco… It’s a hidden oasis surrounded by thick plush trees in the middle of a bustling international city.
On sunny days I’ll go back there and chillax beneath my favorite tree.
However, for some time now, I’ve been noticing that my tree isn’t doing so well.
In fact, week after week, it’s been looking sicker and weaker. Bark has started to peel off, and branches are becoming dead and brittle. WTF?!
So this week I decided to take a closer look and I finally found the culprit:
A weed. A really big, vine-like, monster-sized weed that looked like it was choking the life out of my tree.
When I saw it, it was like I had caught a criminal: “A-ha! GOTCHA!”
So I grasped the weed and gave it a sharp tug. Then I gasped. All around me, the whole back yard seemed to shake!
This freaking weed had worked its way through every tree in my back yard!
It must have been there for years… at first just a small sprout at the base of the huge trunk. But it began to grow, slowly and imperceptibly wrapping itself around the trunk of the tree, making its way toward the top, unnoticed.
Eventually it was completely restricting the tree, suffocating its growth… and doing this to almost every other plant in the yard.
This is similar to one of the most crippling “inner game” sticking points – it’s incredibly elusive and hard to catch.
And even though I find it to be THE single most common sticking point, nobody talks about it for two very big reasons:
1) By its very nature, like a weed on a tree, it is designed to blend in. Because we don’t notice it, it doesn’t show up in our awareness. And…
2) Nobody wants to admit the grip that this insidious creature has on them. And so it continues to OWN them…
This Inner Game “weed” that I’m referring to is…
SHAME.
Yeah. Shame. We feel shame when there is any part of ourselves that we don’t fully and completely accept… any part of ourselves that we think is “wrong” or “bad” or “ugly” or “not good enough.”
Shame grows gradually, mostly unnoticed, purposefully ignored, throughout our lives. It doesn’t seem very important… until one day we wake up and realize it has become a monstrous weed choking our vitality, energy, self-image and especially… our connecting with women.
For example, if you have a hard time “escalating” with women, oftentimes this is related to SHAME about your sexual desire and attraction. And women feel that and become uncomfortable going further with you.
And if YOU are ashamed of your attraction, then she’s going to feel that too, and I guarantee your connection is going to SUFFER.
Often, it goes unnoticed – just a nagging feeling and a growing sense of frustration about how your ability to create attraction and connection with women feels squelched and “choked off”… and you don’t know why!
The Ultimate Weed Whacker of Shame
However, there is one thing that I know of that is the ultimate “weed whacker” of shame:
Presence.
See, the weeds of shame don’t like to be seen. Shame is designed to make you think there is no separation between “it” (the weed) and “you” (the tree).
Without Presence, shame can choke the life out of you, and your interactions with women.
WITH Presence, however, you can finally BECOME AWARE of how this sneaky little organism has worked its way all through your life.
By cultivating Presence, we can NOTICE when shame comes up, and just the simple act of NOTICING that shame (without trying to fix it, suppress it or get rid of it) is often enough to relax its hold on you.
In the Foundations of Inner Game Training Program, we teach all kinds of exercises guaranteed to sharpen your Presence, so that you can clear out shame and create more vital, exhilarating interactions with women, and finally start living your life as the most shameless, badass, authentic man you can be.
A great introduction to this is to watch the FREE video, Foundations of Inner Game: Revealed. We explain more about how to become Present, so that shame never has to kill your attraction and connection with women ever again.
Rid yourself of the intruder.
Watch Foundations of Inner Game: Revealed and get a free trial of our Foundations of Inner Game Training Program, here:
http://AuthenticManProgram.com/revealed
Bryan and the AMP Team
P.S. Once I started to become more present and started to unravel all the places where shame had woven itself into my life, I felt like I could breath again in a whole new way. Take the opportunity to see how much more is possible for your life and enjoy this free video.
Watch it now, here:
