Posts Tagged ‘men’s group’

Lean on Men, Not Women

Thursday, April 1st, 2010

I was at a one-day men’s group facilitated by a friend of mine a couple years ago. This friend is a singer and likes to bring vocal improvisation into his work with men.

He broke into that song ”Lean on Me” and pretty soon all of us guys were singing it standing in a circle with our arms around each other’s shoulders, literally leaning on one another for support.

(Not all men’s groups or events include spontaneous singing, but hey – you never know.)

It was a great reminder of the opportunity men have to lean on EACH OTHER for support… and to stop leaning on the WOMEN in our life.

Personally, I was used to taking my worries and frustrations (and frankly my whining and complaining) to my wife, women friends, mom and sister.

By leaning on the women in my life, and not the men, I was cheating myself of the opportunity for REAL masculine accountability and support. Plus I was ripping off the men in my life of the same opportunity.

This probably had something to do with my relationship with my dad (gee, ya think?) and my fears about getting real or vulnerable with other men.

Anyway – The Hero Principles is about taking responsibility for the quality of your life and your relationship, but it’s not about doing it all alone.

Next time you go to a woman for support, check in with yourself.
Is she going to hold you accountable? Would you really want her to?

Consider taking it to a man instead.

Your Woman’s Anger – Cutting Through the Illusion and Getting to the Heart of the Issue

Tuesday, June 23rd, 2009

Within the community of men that is growing around The Hero Principles, there has been some confusion around the themes of taking Full Responsibility and serving your woman’s femininity. I’ve been getting requests for more clarity, and the “Angry Woman” issue is an especially opportune area to explore.

A man recently commented:
“It’s like she has two personalities.”

Then asked a very good question:
“Just doing whatever she wants isn’t going to solve the problem is it?”

I know a lot of men are asking similar questions, so here’s the answer -

It depends which “personality” you choose to serve!

What I’m suggesting is that under her anger, under her rage… is hurt. Engaging her ANGER at face value is a long, slow path that will probably keep you running in circles… yelling back… or shutting down.

Truth is, at her core, she doesn’t WANT you to buckle under her craziness, so she keeps giving you opportunities to rise above it. Anytime you buckle, she’ll respond with more anger and dissatisfaction.

So stop listening to just her words and start tuning in to her heart’s true desire. Start seeing through the facade, and into her True Goddess Nature. In her heart she simply wants to feel safe, loved and cared for. She wants to receive you. But she has to TRUST you before she lets you in. That’s why she has you jumping through all these fiery hoops, albeit unconsciously.

She’s waiting for you to show up powerfully and purposefully enough to cut through the protective illusions she’s cast, to cut through the BS (hers and yours)… and to join her heart.

Of course, to do this requires YOU to cultivate a resoundingly clear, courageous and conscious heart of your own. THAT, my friend, is what she truly “wants.” THAT is your opportunity. Doing THAT is precisely what will turn this problem into your shared victory.

So how do you do THAT?

You find out (or decide) what you stand for. You take leadership. You look for opportunities in every challenge or problem. You take responsibility for your own anxiety, discomfort or anger. You decide who you will choose to become on this life and relationship journey you are on.

Some men practice on their own.

Some men join a group of men who are committed to this process.
My friends Jayson Gaddis at Revolutionary Man and  Wayne Levine at BetterMen both facilitate men’s groups by telephone.

In fact, Jayson Gaddis has developed a unique guide that shows you step by step how to start and lead a Men’s Group!

Some men work one-on-one with a coach.

Whatever you choose, the Hero Principles are always there to serve you. THAT is what they are for. There is ALWAYS a Hero Principle to help you in EVERY situation. Keep them handy. Life provides constant opportunities to practice. You don’t need to look for opportunities, just to recognize them.

Thanks for joining me in this work.

All My Best,

Justice

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