This question… “Is He/She ‘The One???’” is coming at me from all sides recently.
Jayson Gaddis just posted on the topic over at Revolutionary Man.
Then Andrew Parkes tweeted me a version of the same question.
Now I have this in my inbox from a woman reader …
“I struggle not knowing for sure if “HE” is the one…After many failed relationships, it’s hard to put stock in some of my choices. At the age of 42, 2 failed marriages, and a tirad of failed short term relationships, where do you find stock in “knowing” for sure?”
When Andrew tweeted me, I had the limitation of a 140 character answer. I managed in 70.
“You can’t attract The One until you solidly know and love yourself.”
Your intimate relationship is life’s icing… not the cake. Of course it’s tasty and important, but the foundation of a happy life rests squarely on YOU. As long as you project that need outwards onto “The One”… you’ll always be searching… doubting… second guessing… and disappointed.
As a man who has spent most of his life grasping for fulfilment from a woman… I speak from agonizing experience.
A lot of people emphasize the importance of compatibility, but how can you even judge compatibility until you’re compatible with YOU – living in integrity with your values… honest and transparent and at home within?
From a slightly different perspective, I would add that ultimately you don’t FIND “the one.” You CHOOSE “the one.” And you continue to choose him or her every day. You say… “That’s my man.” “That’s my woman.” “Yep. They’re the one.”
You decide. Then you behave accordingly. And it becomes the truth.
Check out my man Goethe:
Until one is committed
There is hesitancy, the chance to draw back
Always ineffectiveness.
Concerning all acts of initiative (and Creation)
There is one elementary truth
The ignorance which kills countless ideas and splendid plans:
That the moment that one definitely commits ones self
Then Providence moves too.
All sorts of things occur to help one
That would never otherwise have occurred.
A whole stream of events issues from the decision
Raising in one’s favor all manner
Of unforeseen incidents and meetings
And material substance
Which no one could have dreamt
Would have come your way.
Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.
I take this stand of choosing The One and standing by her (or him) because that’s what I help men do. I assume you’re here because you want to make the marriage work, even if you’re not entirely sure how to do it.
The most powerful tool I know for transforming a relationship, turning negative dynamics around, and literally changing how your wife behaves toward you is revealed in plain English right here > Click now.
