Comments on: She’s angry and never wrong. I’m the doormat. What should I do? http://www.theheroprinciples.com/readers-and-client-questions/shes-angry-and-never-wrong-im-the-doormat-what-should-i-do/ Unlock Your True Power In Relationship and Lead Your Marriage Breakthrough Fri, 19 Mar 2010 15:58:01 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: john http://www.theheroprinciples.com/readers-and-client-questions/shes-angry-and-never-wrong-im-the-doormat-what-should-i-do/comment-page-1/#comment-1081 john Wed, 25 Nov 2009 23:05:36 +0000 http://www.theheroprinciples.com/?p=174#comment-1081 we broke up 6 weeks ago, she still talks and texts me as soon as I text or call her, she is so hurt angry at me, and I need to know how to get thru that hurt and anger and I dont know how, shes mad at me for lying to her about my past life, butwhen i told her things she belittled me so I lied, i told her a year ago, and my ex texted her saying I wanted to get back with her but its not true and now she says she doesnt love me anymore, but when it happened she told me i ruined her life because she wanted to be with me forever and the day before gave me a beautiful card saying I was the man of her dreams and the love of her life, I didnt give her any time and space yet, but know I feel its over she calls me a deceitful liar and backstabber can I get thru this anger of hers? how do I take actions to care for the hurt, she says im blind and rationalize,she says shes forgiven me but doesnt want to be with me but still communicates and argues when I try to be sorry we broke up 6 weeks ago, she still talks and texts me as soon as I text or call her, she is so hurt angry at me, and I need to know how to get thru that hurt and anger and I dont know how, shes mad at me for lying to her about my past life, butwhen i told her things she belittled me so I lied, i told her a year ago, and my ex texted her saying I wanted to get back with her but its not true and now she says she doesnt love me anymore, but when it happened she told me i ruined her life because she wanted to be with me forever and the day before gave me a beautiful card saying I was the man of her dreams and the love of her life, I didnt give her any time and space yet, but know I feel its over she calls me a deceitful liar and backstabber can I get thru this anger of hers? how do I take actions to care for the hurt, she says im blind and rationalize,she says shes forgiven me but doesnt want to be with me but still communicates and argues when I try to be sorry

]]> By: justicemarshall http://www.theheroprinciples.com/readers-and-client-questions/shes-angry-and-never-wrong-im-the-doormat-what-should-i-do/comment-page-1/#comment-90 justicemarshall Tue, 23 Jun 2009 18:39:37 +0000 http://www.theheroprinciples.com/?p=174#comment-90 It depends which "personality" you choose to serve! What I'm suggesting is that under her anger, under her rage... is hurt. Engaging her ANGER at face value is a long, slow path. Trying to meet her angry demands or threats is indeed a lose-lose game - It doesn't truly serve her or you. At her core, she doesn't WANT you to buckle under her craziness. Stop listening to just her words and start tuning in to her heart's true desire. In her heart she simply wants to feel safe, loved and cared for. But she has to TRUST you before she lets you in. That's why she has you jumping through all these fiery hoops. She's waiting for you to show up powerfully and purposefully enough to cut through the protective illusions she's cast... and to join her heart. To do this requires YOU to cultivate a resoundingly clear, courageous and conscious heart of your own. THAT, my friend, is what she truly "wants." THAT is your opportunity. And doing THAT is precisely what will turn this problem into your shared victory. It depends which “personality” you choose to serve! What I’m suggesting is that under her anger, under her rage… is hurt. Engaging her ANGER at face value is a long, slow path. Trying to meet her angry demands or threats is indeed a lose-lose game – It doesn’t truly serve her or you. At her core, she doesn’t WANT you to buckle under her craziness. Stop listening to just her words and start tuning in to her heart’s true desire. In her heart she simply wants to feel safe, loved and cared for. But she has to TRUST you before she lets you in. That’s why she has you jumping through all these fiery hoops. She’s waiting for you to show up powerfully and purposefully enough to cut through the protective illusions she’s cast… and to join her heart. To do this requires YOU to cultivate a resoundingly clear, courageous and conscious heart of your own. THAT, my friend, is what she truly “wants.” THAT is your opportunity. And doing THAT is precisely what will turn this problem into your shared victory.

]]> By: Jake http://www.theheroprinciples.com/readers-and-client-questions/shes-angry-and-never-wrong-im-the-doormat-what-should-i-do/comment-page-1/#comment-89 Jake Tue, 23 Jun 2009 17:36:13 +0000 http://www.theheroprinciples.com/?p=174#comment-89 i like this response to this question but seriously. come on, i mean i no its hurt and all but my wife gets angry, a lot, but on other nice shes the nicest woman in the world. Its like she has 2 personalitys and justdoing whatever she wants isn't going to stop the problem is it? i like this response to this question but seriously. come on, i mean i no its hurt and all but my wife gets angry, a lot, but on other nice shes the nicest woman in the world. Its like she has 2 personalitys and justdoing whatever she wants isn’t going to stop the problem is it?

]]> By: justicemarshall http://www.theheroprinciples.com/readers-and-client-questions/shes-angry-and-never-wrong-im-the-doormat-what-should-i-do/comment-page-1/#comment-63 justicemarshall Wed, 10 Jun 2009 16:00:03 +0000 http://www.theheroprinciples.com/?p=174#comment-63 Matthew, If you've read my book you'll recall that Hero Principle #4 says, "If you're going to do it anyway... Do it Powerfully!" It sounds like you're already paying for the nails and it's a non-negotiable point for your wife. So you can either grumble and groan about it and keep it as a point of contention between you, or you can Do it Powerfully. The paradox is that once you give up your resistance to this (for real), she too will naturally ease up on whatever she is resisting. With neither of you resisting each other, abundance (financial and otherwise) can flow more freely in your family. All My Best, Justice Matthew,
If you’ve read my book you’ll recall that Hero Principle #4 says, “If you’re going to do it anyway… Do it Powerfully!” It sounds like you’re already paying for the nails and it’s a non-negotiable point for your wife. So you can either grumble and groan about it and keep it as a point of contention between you, or you can Do it Powerfully. The paradox is that once you give up your resistance to this (for real), she too will naturally ease up on whatever she is resisting. With neither of you resisting each other, abundance (financial and otherwise) can flow more freely in your family.
All My Best,
Justice

]]> By: Matthew http://www.theheroprinciples.com/readers-and-client-questions/shes-angry-and-never-wrong-im-the-doormat-what-should-i-do/comment-page-1/#comment-62 Matthew Wed, 10 Jun 2009 13:05:14 +0000 http://www.theheroprinciples.com/?p=174#comment-62 Justice, Your post makes a certain amount of sense. However, I have a question when it comes to the financial side of things. My wife gets her nails done at the nail salon every week, for about $50/week. Her nails are important to her, and I want to be her champion and support that, but our budget is tight and the $50/week makes a big difference. She's incredibly sensitive on the subject and refuses to discuss it, saying that she deserves her nails because of all the work she does for our family. She does a great job and deserves the moon, but we're going broke (I've already given up thinmgs dear to me to save money). Do you have any suggestions? It's hard to read that the writer should step up and pay the $ and be The Hero--I want to, but can't afford it! Justice,

Your post makes a certain amount of sense. However, I have a question when it comes to the financial side of things. My wife gets her nails done at the nail salon every week, for about $50/week. Her nails are important to her, and I want to be her champion and support that, but our budget is tight and the $50/week makes a big difference. She’s incredibly sensitive on the subject and refuses to discuss it, saying that she deserves her nails because of all the work she does for our family. She does a great job and deserves the moon, but we’re going broke (I’ve already given up thinmgs dear to me to save money). Do you have any suggestions? It’s hard to read that the writer should step up and pay the $ and be The Hero–I want to, but can’t afford it!

]]> By: Melissa Zwanger http://www.theheroprinciples.com/readers-and-client-questions/shes-angry-and-never-wrong-im-the-doormat-what-should-i-do/comment-page-1/#comment-34 Melissa Zwanger Tue, 19 May 2009 16:14:28 +0000 http://www.theheroprinciples.com/?p=174#comment-34 Justice, I love your response to this question! Almost all the time, there is hurt underneath anger. When a man understands that and takes actions to care for the hurt, his woman will allow her hurt to show. That's when the healing takes place. Nothing is resolved until the underlying pain is exposed. AND...a woman wants to know that her man is strong enough to be there without collapsing when she is angry. It's a very sexy and masculine quality. Melissa Justice, I love your response to this question! Almost all the time, there is hurt underneath anger. When a man understands that and takes actions to care for the hurt, his woman will allow her hurt to show. That’s when the healing takes place. Nothing is resolved until the underlying pain is exposed. AND…a woman wants to know that her man is strong enough to be there without collapsing when she is angry. It’s a very sexy and masculine quality.

Melissa

]]>