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12/1 is Good Men Day

28 Nov, 2009  |  Written by justicemarshall  |  under Resources, Special Events, masculinity
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I want to help spread the word about this worthy project.
Please check it out.

(from http://www.goodmenbook.org/blog/2009/11/121-is-good-men-day/)

12/1 is Good Men Day

GoodMenDayPosterTwoOn 12/1 we’re spreading the word about The Good Men Project throughout the online universe.

As always, all proceeds from book and dvd sales go to The Good Men Foundation, a registered 501(c)(3) charity that supports men and boys at risk. Charitable organizations such as The Boys & Girls Clubs of Boston, Big Brothers, Big Sisters, Trinity Street Potential, Dorchester Youth Alternative Academy, and Exodus Transitional Community are direct beneficiaries.

And so, on Dec. 1, we’re asking people to help in the following ways:

1. Forward a friendly note about the project to your friends.

2. Post one of our photos on your Facebook Wall. Grab one from Flickr, here.

3. Post a book purchasing link to your Facebook status, your Twitterstream and your web site.

4. Invite your friends to become a fan of The Good Men Project on Facebook

5. Buy the book/DVD combination for yourself or as a gift for others this holiday season. All proceeds go to the nonprofit Good Men Foundation supporting men and boys at risk.

6.  If you have a community, religious group, or other non-profit that would be interested in promoting the book or holding a book signing, please contact info@goodmenproject.org

Here is some information about the Book and DVD that you can forward to your friends:

The Good Men Project: Real Stories from the Front Lines of Modern Manhood, is a collection of first-person stories that comprise a book and documentary about what it means to be a man in America today. From Pulitzer winners to ex-cons, and pro Football Hall of Famers to just regular Joes, men share their defining challenges, losses and triumphs through honest and simple truths.

“The hope is that these stories will help men come to their own definition on what it means to be a good man,” says Tom Matlack, Good Men Project cofounder. “It’s about the deeper truth of how men think.”

The book and DVD of the film are available as a companion set, and all proceeds go to the Good Men Foundation, which supports organizations that help at-risk boys. It’s a perfect gift for the men in your life or the women who love them. Be a part of something – join what is fast becoming the centerpiece of a national discussion about what manhood means today.

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Finally, on 12/1 but also throughout the rest of the holiday season, we’re inviting ANY like-minded charity organization to use our book/dvd as a fundraiser. This is how it works:  We have a standard email blast asking people to buy our book/dvd bundle for the holidays. We can track sales by email blast using a promotional code.  So we would split the profit on any bundles sold with your unique tracking code. Please contact Tom or Lisa at info@goodmenproject.org if you are interested in learning more about how this effort can help raise money your worthy enterprise or charities, and get the word out about good men

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Thank you all, for your wonderful support of The Good Men Project.

WHAT IS **YOUR** RELATIONSHIP TO POWER?

18 Nov, 2009  |  Written by justicemarshall  |  under Relationship Success, Resources, Special Events, masculinity, sex
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I got this in my inbox from Bryan at Authentic Man Program.
These guys do good work, and I thought this was pretty funny, more than a little familiar, and on-target.
Can you relate?

Bryan says:

Bryan here. In grade school, I was a geeky DORK.

When my sister saw the movie Napoleon Dynamite, she said I HAD to watch it, because it was a movie about ME as a kid. And it was true.

I used to cut out pictures of fighter jets, missiles, dinosaurs, swords, jaguars, cobras, and bald-faced hornets - pretty much any dangerous animal or weapon, I was fascinated with.

I’d even combine them - I’d draw detailed pictures of dinosaurs equipped with machine guns, rocket launchers, stingers and laser weapons…even making my own medieval weapons…and…

Ironically, at school, I was getting bullied and pushed around without ever fighting back.

I was terrified of getting my ass kicked. Inside, I’d be fuming…but on the outside, I would just stand there and take it.

Later in the day, I’d discharge that pent-up aggression by taking one of the makeshift medieval weapons I’d created, and hack away at the plants and vines in the field outside my house…or else, lay in bed that night, replaying the incident, and kicking the living crap out of those guys (F**k YOU, Ricky Scarfino!).

But I was powerless to fight back in the moment. And they knew it.

So they kept picking on me.

At that early age, I had already begun suppressing my power.

Instead of showing up in real life, my power would be expressed in my dreams at night - I was always at war, swinging axes and swords, shooting people and flying jet fighters …

And, unlike most dreams, this was obviously not just a processing of the leftovers of my day…

It was a CLASSIC case of Freudian repression. I had stuffed down my power, and my primal, kill-or-be-killed instinct - the ferocious part of me that WOULD have had me stand up to the bullies (and would have ensured that I wasn’t picked on in the first place!) - was coming out in my dreams, instead.

NO POWER, NO POONANI

Not surprisingly, I wasn’t a very big hit with the ladies back then.

Women can instinctually tell who’s cut off from their power and who’s not, immediately, because it’s a matter of survival and propagation of the species for them.

It’s pretty primal - no guy who’s getting picked on by other men of the tribe is going to be considered a prime mating partner by the ladies, right?

They want a man with strong ties to other men, which maximizes his chances of sticking around to protect his offspring.

Even worse, if a man’s cut off from his ability to fight, then how’s he ever gonna defend his family if they’re getting attacked?

THE TURNAROUND FOR ME

It was only after doing intensive “men’s work”-exercises that challenged and confronted me, and FORCED me to access that part of me - that I began to access my true Power as a man.

For the first time, I felt solid and confident in my ability to stand up for myself, and for the people in my life who I loved. And it rippled out EVERYWHERE in my life - an immediate shift in how people related to me.

Men (including my boss at the time) began treating me with more respect.

And the biggest difference was in my relating with women. As I felt more access to that primal, powerful part of me, women felt safer around me…and MUCH more attracted.

WHAT IS **YOUR** RELATIONSHIP TO POWER?

By now, it should be clear, the connection between your access-to-power and your relating with women.

Take a moment and seriously consider:

- What is your relationship to your own power?  Do you feel full access to it?

- Do you feel capable of unhesitatingly putting your life at stake to protect the people you love?

- Do you feel connected to your ability to kill another human being (if it came to that point), to protect the people you love (including *yourself*)?

- Or do you feel that your power is suppressed, blocked, or crimped in one way or another?

- What do you see is the impact of this way of being in your life?   How does it specifically affect your career?  Your friendships?  Your relationship with women?

- And if this is a challenge for you, what steps are you taking to address it?

One step you can take is the AMP Intensive 3-day course.

At the AMP Intensive, for those who don’t yet have FULL access to that primal side, we have specific exercises designed to call out a man’s authentic power (even if it’s been dormant for decades).

They’re intense and confronting exercises, for sure - I was absolutely TERRIFIED when it was MY turn many years ago…but for many men, the AMP Intensive is like a “rite of passage” into manhood…where you face the places that have been holding you back from stepping into being the ruthlessly loving, powerful man inside that’s waiting to be unleashed.

We’ve put together some info here:

http://www.authenticmanprogram.com

If it speaks to you…grab your balls and step into taking the Intensive for yourself.

And whether you choose to take the AMP intensive or not, continue to explore your relationship to your own power as a man. It’s HUGE in terms of the impact to your relating not just with women, but with ALL aspects of your life!

In brotherhood,

Bryan

International Men’s Day is November 19

13 Nov, 2009  |  Written by justicemarshall  |  under Special Events, masculinity
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International Men’s Day is November 19

From Mensnewsdaily.com
Saturday, November 7, 2009

WORLDWIDE OBSERVANCE OF INTERNATIONAL MEN’S DAY, THURSDAY, 19 NOVEMBER 2009 BY MEN AND FATHERS, MEN’S GROUPS, FATHERHOOD ORGANIZATIONS, AND FATHERHOOD PRACTITIONERS.

AUSTRALIA – 6 NOVEMBER 2009 — Men and Fathers, Men’s Groups, Fatherhood Practitioners, and Fatherhood organizations throughout our global village will observe International Men’s Day on Thursday, 19 November 2009.   Trinidad and Tobago, Jamaica, Australia, India, United States, Singapore, United Kingdom, Malta, South Africa, Georgia, New Zealand, Moldova, Germany, Holland and Brazil are a sample of the nations around the globe that are planning activities on International Men’s Day 2009 which will honor the selfless sacrifices of men and celebrate men’s invaluable contributions to families, communities, and society.

International Men’s Day is a call for international collaboration to address the challenges and problems men face; improving gender relations between men and women; promoting gender equality; highlighting positive male role models – not just movie stars and athletes – but “everyday working class men who are living decent, honest lives”; and creating a safer and better world.  Dr Jerome Teelucksingh, a University of West Indies History Lecturer, conceived and coordinated the first celebration of International Men’s Day in Trinidad and Tobago on 19 November 1999.  Dr. Teelucksingh selected 19 November 1999 as the date for celebrating International Men’s Day because it coincided with his father’s birthday, whom he felt was an excellent male role model, and also because it was the day in which the football team in his country created a level of unity which crossed gender, religious and ethnic divisions.

When asked to comment on International Men’s Day, Dr Teelucksingh, the founder, said:  “I realized there was no day for men… some have said that there is Father’s Day, but what about young boys, teenagers and men who are not fathers? The theme for the worldwide observance of International Men’s Day 2009 is ‘Positive Male Role Models’.  The theme for the 2010 worldwide observation of International Men’s Day will be ‘Unity’.”

Uma Challa is the International Men’s Day Coordinator for India. She stated:  “The inseparability of the male and female entities in the Universe is represented by Ardhanareeswara, who embodies both male & female in Indian culture. This representation indicates that while both the female and male forms have their own individual identities and strengths, they are still interdependent and complementary and, it is only by combining their individual strengths that they are able to create and nurture life in the Universe. International Women’s Day is celebrated the world over every year. We also need to have a celebration every year to recognize and honor men; our fathers, brothers, partners, sons, male friends and colleagues; for the numerous services they render and the innumerable sacrifices they make to ensure the health and well-being of the family and the society.”

Warwick Marsh from Australia’s Dads4Kids and the Global Coordinator for International Men’s Day shared his thoughts about the 19 November 2009 worldwide celebration of Men’s Day:   “It is my hope that International Men’s Day will be the catalyst for men, Men’s Groups, Fatherhood Practitioners, fatherhood organizations, women, social entrepreneurs, church leaders, health care professionals and providers, legal professionals, legislators, law enforcement professionals, social services professionals and providers, educators, academic and religious institutions, and businesses to begin working together in the spirit of collaboration and with a ‘sense of oneness’ to create, share, and implement key ‘pieces of the puzzle’ to resolving the critical state of affairs of men’s health and to create resources and support services that effectively address the unique health and fathering needs of men.   Every idea is important.  Every voice must be heard. Together we can make a difference.”

Jason Thompson from Australia and the Global Promotions Coordinator for International Men’s Day made the following comment:  “International Men’s Day  is a day to celebrate all positive examples of men and boys, those people we can look up to and ultimately emulate such as school prefects, academic achievers, political leaders, champions of the environment, and those more humble males who on a daily basis clean our streets, build our houses, fix our cars, police our streets, care for children, and dedicate themselves to others.  Blogs, forums and resources are found on the internationalmensday.com website, available for your use. Please download logos and posters for your event. I would like to take this opportunity to ask individuals and organizations who have an event planned or are in the process of planning an event for International Men’s Day to contact me with the details so that we can publicize your efforts.  I can be reached by email at:  hippolytus_101@yahoo.com.au ”

Diane A Sears, the International Men’s Day Coordinator for the United States of America offered the following statement about the 19 November 2009 worldwide observance of International Men’s Day:   “I share Warwick Marsh’s sentiment that we all have key ‘pieces of the puzzle’ to addressing and resolving the unique parenting and health issues of Men from all Walks of Life throughout our global village.  We must work together as a team.  International Men’s Day provides us with a great opportunity ‘to begin to work together in a ‘spirit of collaboration’ and a ‘sense of oneness’ . . . to share our ideas, form strategic alliances, and create and implement resources and support services that will strengthen fathers from all walks of life throughout our global village.  Strong fathers create and sustain efficiently functioning family units. Efficiently functioning family units positively shape the minds and souls of our children – our future – our bridge to the future.  After all, isn’t it really about our children?”

For more information about the observance of International Men’s Day on 19 November 2009, visit International Men’s Day website at  www.InternationalMensday.com.

<Note: There are plenty of hostile and antagonizing male personalities and groups who frame their men’s movement as an “us versus them” battle of the sexes. I avoid these characters and that kind of thinking like the plague. Nonetheless, I do find it curious that the IMD coordinators for India and the USA are women. I mean, can you imagine if International Women’s Day spokespeople were men?! But then again, after being in the “men’s work biz” for a couple years, I wonder if women are filling these roles simply cuz no men showed up…  - Justice Marshall>

How does being in a monogamous relationship create MORE freedom in your life?

7 Nov, 2009  |  Written by justicemarshall  |  under Relationship Success, commitment
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This is from a dear reader and valued contributor over at The Hero Principles Facebook page, Sang Koh.

He says…

I want to share something that I heard while listening to a local radio show hosted by a Tantra teacher. Her name is Tanja Diamond, and on this particular show she was interviewing a rabbi, who was speaking about commitment in relationships. Something he said really struck home for me, so I wrote it down. And this is what he said…..

Imagine a world, where you don’t have to hide who you are. Imagine a world where you can be known truly, and still be accepted. That’s the world that only comes, when you reach the stage in a marriage, where you shut the back door. If one says “O, I’ll live with this person, but if I need to, I’ll get out”, then you’re not really married, regardless of the ring or the vows. The marriage starts when we say, “No matter what, this is it. I’m here for the duration”. Then, you are with someone you can’t hide from, because they know you too well. They know your rouses, your weaknesses, your idiosyncracies. And then to be able to, in that self awareness and mutual awareness, be able to create a safe place. And that’s what freedom is. Ultimately that is what God beckons us to as well, which is to be truly known, yet still loved. To be fully accepted, fully known, and truly loved wholeheartedly at the same time. And that is liberation.

Got something to add? We want to hear from you. Comment here or visit us at:

http://www.facebook.com/TheHeroPrinciples

END RELATIONSHIP DRAMA: How to STOP “working on your relationship”… and finally unlock your woman’s Natural Attraction, Sexual Desire and Deep Appreciation. LIVE TALK!

27 Oct, 2009  |  Written by justicemarshall  |  under Relationship Success, Resources, Special Events, angry woman, masculinity
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This Thursday, October 29th, I’m presenting -

END RELATIONSHIP DRAMA:
How to STOP “working on your relationship”…  and finally unlock your woman’s Natural Attraction, Sexual Desire and Deep Appreciation.

At the Roundhouse community centre in Vancouver BC. 7:30-9:45pm

Roundhouse Community Centre
181 Roundhouse Mews (Davie St. & Pacific Blvd.), Vancouver.
www.roundhouse.ca
Telephone:  604-713-1800

Have you ever hopelessly muttered under your breath, wondered in silent frustration, pleaded desperately, or even shouted angrily…

“Woman - What the F*ck do you want from me???”

Yikes. I know I sure have. It’s a hard place to be.

But what if you actually knew the VERY REAL answer to that question every single time… Even when SHE doesn’t?

And what if knowing that VERY REAL answer meant that you could heal the hurt between you and move forward together, uncovering the attraction, respect and understanding that’s been lost along the way… WITHOUT compromising or sacrificing your own personal power, freedom or manhood?

In fact, what if you could become MORE of the man you are meant to be… at the same time as LEADING your marriage or relationship breakthrough?

Come join me and uncover the possibility hidden within your relationship challenges.

Hope to see you there!

Thursday, October 29th

Roundhouse Community Centre
181 Roundhouse Mews (Davie St. & Pacific Blvd.), Vancouver.
www.roundhouse.ca
Telephone:  604-713-1800

The Magnetism Method Seminar: The Secrets To Being Irresistible To Your Wife (by Jemal Jelil)

23 Oct, 2009  |  Written by justicemarshall  |  under Relationship Success, Resources
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Jemal Jelil contacted me earlier this year to tell me he had been powerfully moved by reading The Hero Principles. He chose to hire me as his coach for a couple months, which was an enriching experience for us both . Jemal is an accomplished relationship expert in his own right, and is deeply committed to helping men take positive leadership in their marriages. I’ve posted some material from his website below, and I also want to invite you to have a listen to his new free offering “The Magnetism Method Seminar: The Secrets To Being Irresistible To Your Wife”.

“The Top 3 Reasons Why Marriages Fail For Men”
By Jemal Jelil

From JustHusbands.com
Before I list why marriages fail for men, let me define what I mean by a man’s marriage failing.

What I mean here when I say that a marriage fails is that your wife has lost interest in you. Or at least, she’s not as interested in you as you’d like.

If it gets bad, she eventually expresses her disinterest in you by either: a) wanting to leave you, or b) cheating on you.

And it may happen in degrees, but to whatever extent she’s disinterested, the marriage is failing.

So if you want to keep her interest, don’t let these 3 reasons why marriages fail happen to you:

Why Marriages Fail For Men Reason #1: Ego

Get this one handled first. This is often the first reason why marriages fail. Honestly, step on your ego a little and half your problems will be solved.

If you get this handled, you may not even need to know the other two reasons why marriages fail for men.

It’s your ego that’s busy holding grudges, that can’t forgive.

It’s your ego that makes you lose your temper and do stupid things.

It’s your ego that stops you from learning how to be a bigger man and a better husband.

It’s your ego that prevents you from repairing your relationship when you’ve screwed up—unless you’re like me and you never screw up. Okay, okay, I admit it, I’ve screwed up…more times than I care to remember.

And you have to. It happens, man. Get over it. Just fix it.

I can think of at least two pivotal moments in my marriage—you know, those moments when everything changes—that if I had held on to my ego, I’m confident I wouldn’t still be married to my wife.

The first was about 5 years into my marriage when things had gotten so bad and I was so distant from my wife that she couldn’t take it any more and wanted a divorce.

Things sucked so bad between me and my wife at that time that I wasn’t against the idea of divorce. But I wanted to first make sure that I had at least done my part as a man to make things work.

At that time, I heard some advice from my spiritual guide to step on my ego, and I realized that I had let my ego get in the way a lot in our marriage, and I realized that it was a big reason why my marriage was failing.

So I forced myself to think, What would be the hardest stinkin’ thing for my ego to endure?

Aha! I got it: a love song!

Oh God, the thought of it! Could anything be more humiliating?!

Anyone who knows me can imagine how hard that would’ve been on my ego…especially back then, when I actually really resented my wife.

But I wasn’t contented to have my ego be the reason why my marriage was to fail

So I made the choice to let those resentments go and really love my wife. So I wrote her a love song and called it “Beautiful Girl, Come Back to Me,” and I sang it to her.

She melted.

Score: Jemal, 1. Ego, 0. Yessss!!

Maybe one day–if you convince me–I’ll let you have a copy of the song.

Our marriage still wasn’t perfect after that, but that was definitely a new point of departure for us and our definitely went up a level.

Because I had let go of my the reason why my marriage was failing: my ego.

Another occasion, not that long ago, things were shaky between me and my wife.

I travelled to New York to meet privately for six hours with a guy who’s arguably one of the world’s greatest ladies’ men.

His name is Stephen. He teaches men how to be naturally more attractive and how to have happier, stronger relationships.

He and I got to talking about why my marriage was failing at that point–even if it was much better than before.

We got to talking about how I wasn’t open with my wife. I wouldn’t tell her things that would make me vulnerable, things that she could criticize me for—at that moment or later.

You and I know both know that when it comes to women “anything you say can and will be used against you…” I’ve experienced it enough times, and I’m sure you have to.

We’re not stupid: put us down enough, criticize us enough, and we’re not gonna open up anymore. Right?

So I had stopped opening up with my wife.

But the advice I got from Stephen surprised me. He was the only one that had ever really presented me with that advice.

He actually addressed me from a spiritual, selfless perspective. He’s not Muslim, but he knew I’m a Muslim who aspires to be spiritual. So he asked me what a spiritual Muslim would do.

What the?! Caught me off guard. I thought to myself, Where is this “ladies’ man” going with this? I was looking for advice about attraction, not spirituality. I was hoping to better understand why marriages fail in general and why my marriage was failing, in particular.

I wasn’t there for spiritual advice. I already have my spiritual guide. But Stephen had won me over. He’s a smart, insightful, likeable, cool guy. So I heard him out. And I’m glad I did.

He said to me, “Be open and vulnerable with her, not for you sake, but for hers. And if when you lay your heart out there…it gets stomped on…then…do it again.”

Unusual advice, but it really stuck. And to be honest, had a woman given me that kind of advice, I might have blown it off. But this was coming from a guy who was manly, was cool, and knew what he was talking about.

He was in a lasting committed relationship, with a woman he was deeply in love with, even though he could have just about any woman he wanted. I knew he wasn’t the sort of guy who just spoke empty words.

So when I got back to Toronto, I took his advice. And I laid my heart out there—or you could say, I laid my ego out there. And guess what! It got stomped on. But guess what! It happens. Your wife will test you. She will test your strength. She will test your genuineness. And it will irritate the hell out of you.

And when my wife stomped on my ego, it did irritate the hell out of me. So I was about to walk out the door. No wonder why marriages fail–when women act the way they do, right?

But then I remembered Stephen’s advice. (…sigh…) “And if when you lay it out there, it’s stomped on…do it again!”

So I did. I went back to my wife and laid my ego on the line yet again. Damn, that was hard! But this time…she didn’t stomp on it. She simply melted.

And we had a turning point in our marriage at that moment that we had never had in our entire 11 years of marriage up to that point.

Trust me, man: look for opportunities to let go of your own ego, and just let it go. You will have a more happy marriage because of it. You will have a more interested wife because of it. And you will be more of a man because of it.

Let go of your ego and you might not even need to worry about the second reason why marriages fail for men.

Why Marriages Fail For Men Reason #2: Blame

The second reason why marriages fail for men is that they convince themselves that women are the reason why marriages fail.

Man, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard a husband complain about his wife, and I think to myself, “Dude, she’s not the problem. You are.” Of course, I often tell him that, too. (It’s the tough love I have to give sometimes.)

Listen, bro: Your wife is not the reason why your marriage is failing. Stop blaming your wife for any marriage problems you face. Stop blaming her for how she treats you.

Have you ever heard the saying, “We teach people how to treat us?” If you haven’t, then you need to write it down right now: “We teach people how to treat us.”

So ask yourself, “How am I teaching my wife to treat me?”

My wife treats me with honour, love, and respect. She likes to think it’s because of what a wonderful woman she is. And she is a wonderful woman. But it’s because I won’t accept anything less from her.

And so she lives up to my expectations. I teach her how to treat me. And if she treats me wrong, I have no one to blame but myself.

So step up, be a man, and behave like a man that she can’t help but treat like a king. If she’s not treating you like a king, maybe you haven’t proven to her your worthiness. So stop blaming her for it. Just change how you are, and she’ll change how she is with you.

She won’t be able to help herself. Her heart will just melt when she thinks of you and when she’s around you. And trust me: a woman that adores you will treat you very differently from a woman that doesn’t adore you.

So if she’s not treating you how you’d like, then she doesn’t adore you enough, and don’t blame her for that. You just need to become the man she can’t help but adore.

Why Marriages Fail For Men Reason #3: Logic

What?! How can logic be a reason why marriages fail?! Well, read on, and you’ll see.

How your wife behaves depends on how she feels. And how she feels will never change with logic. So don’t try to convince your wife with logic that she should behave differently.

It’s not about logic. It’s about emotion. So get used to thinking in terms of emotion, and not in terms of logic. Many men fail to recognize their wife’s emotions, and that’s a big reason why marriages fail for them.

On a practical level, what does that mean? For one, it means stop arguing with her and trying to convince her to see things your way. If you inspire her emotions, she’ll give everything to please you…even if she thinks you’re wrong. Cuz it doesn’t matter whether, logically, you’re right or wrong. What matters is how you make her feel.

Setting aside logic also means that you need to stop judging her feelings. Her feelings are her feelings. It doesn’t matter if you think they “make sense” or not. Because it’s not about logic; it’s about feelings. It’s all about emotions.

Stop trying to “reason” with your wife. Instead, just “emotion” with her.

She’s not a guy. She’s a girl. Appreciate that. Stop trying to make her like a guy and “straighten” her. Just let her be a girl and enjoy the curvature.

Peace,

Jemal.

Sacrifice or Devotion… Balancing work and relationship

13 Oct, 2009  |  Written by justicemarshall  |  under Hero Stories, Relationship Success, masculinity
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In this post Michael Hahn does an inspiring job of illuminating the important distinction between Sacrifice and Devotion.

Sacrifice or Devotion

by Michael Hahn, Beyond the Good Life

I knew I had to get out the invite, prepare the agenda and coordinate the logistical information for the venue.  I was feeling the time crunch and sure that if I didn’t act quickly, the whole event could be at risk.

Then I heard Melinda call from the other room,

“Honey, my head is throbbing, would you lay with me and hold my head?”

I had been at this crossroad before and made the choice from a different perspective and the result turned out miserable.

I mean how could I possibly take the time now to hold her when I had all of these looming deadlines?  My mind started to race with the many logical and rational reasons I could give that would support me in staying in the office getting everything done.  I felt that familiar feeling coming up from my gut, a tension, the take notice of me down here buddy kind of reminder.

I took a deep breath…

and then another…

I thought about how I felt when my belly hurt and how I just wanted that feeling to go away.  Melinda has rubbed my stomach on many occasions, but now, really?

My mind started to get the green flag and wanted to dart out of the gate again.

I’ve made the choice to “Make her Happy” in the past and Sacrifice my work for her.  I knew where that path led.  I knew that it only took another small setback or minor irritation for me to bring up the fact that I had sacrificed my work for her.

I thought about the effects of those previous instances and how they lead to the 3am sleepless conversations or worse…

This time was different, my intuition was telling me that I wanted to ease her pain, I wanted to be her white knight, I wanted to hold her head and relieve her discomfort.

I heard the call from the other room again,

“Babe, did you hear me, are you trying to ignore me?”

The choice was simple and I knew I would be in a mental spiral with less focus to do my work unless I committed to my decision.

I had to check with myself,

“I’m choosing to support her and to ease her discomfort.”

It was so simple, I realized that I needed to commit to my decision one way or another.  When I commit, it’s my decision, not from a place of Sacrifice, but from a much cleaner place, DEVOTION.

I was able to spend 15 minutes with her, totally dedicated to her cause.  My laser focus paid off and I was able to return to my work free from inner conflict and totally committed to the next steps to complete my work endeavors.

I was running pure, clean and on Purpose!

What does Sacrifice vs Devotion mean to you? Please share…

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Sam Martin’s TED Talk: Manspaces

9 Oct, 2009  |  Written by justicemarshall  |  under masculinity
1 Comment

Do you have a Manspace?

(Thanks to William Harryman at The Masculine Heart)

Author Sam Martin shares photos of a quirky world hobby that’s trending with the XY set: the “manspace.” (They’re custom-built hangouts where a man can claim a bit of his own territory to work, relax, be himself.) Grab a cold one and enjoy.

About Sam Martin

Sam Martin is the senior editor at frog design and the editor-in-chief of design mind magazine. He is also the author of Manspace: A Primal Guide to Marking Your Territory.

“Are you a man or a boy?” - Bored to Death

8 Oct, 2009  |  Written by justicemarshall  |  under masculinity, sex
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I loved this insightful quote from a recent episode of Bored to Death -

“Are you a man or a boy?” an underaged St. Ann’s student asks Mr. Ames ahead of their departure together from a fancy Manhattan party.

“What’s the difference?” Mr. Ames replies.

“With a man you feel like you’re being taken and you like it,” she remarks. “And with a boy you feel like they are stealing something from you and you don’t like it.”

And from an interview with the writer of the show…

One of my favorite parts is when a hot young woman asks Jonathan, “Are you a man or a boy?” and he replies “What’s the difference?” What is the difference?

“It’s hard for me to say, because even though I’m middle-aged, I guess I still think of myself as a boy. There’s something about being in the arts, maybe because you’re struggling so long; you just live like a perpetual graduate student. I still don’t feel quite like a man myself, so I don’t know if I can tell the difference. But if and when I grow up, I’ll know.”

Why does she trigger me so frickin’ bad?!!!

6 Oct, 2009  |  Written by justicemarshall  |  under Relationship Success, Resources, angry woman, blame
3 Comments

Really?

You REALLY want to know?

OK - Here are 3 answers. Choose your favourite. Then do something with it.

1. The theory: She triggers you because of your childhood experiences, mostly with your parents. You are projecting your unmet childhood needs, insecurities and beliefs onto her. This is the model used by Imago therapist and author of  the popular book “Getting The Love You Want,” Harville Hendrix.

The opportunity: Identify these projections together and start to use your relationship as an intentional vehicle for healing.

2. The theory: She triggers you precisely because she is the perfect one to test you, to help you grow past your current limits and into your highest potential. Some teachers would suggest that you actually “chose” her for this purpose… either unconsciously, or even before choosing to incarnate as a human being. AKA “soul contracts.”

The opportunity: Stop resisting the challenges and start “leaning in.” Choose to find the opportunities for growth within your relationship conflict. Once you see her as a teacher and an opportunity, you can stop blaming her and start using the lessons consciously, no matter how painful or difficult.

3. The theory: She triggers you because of Limbic Resonance. Limba-what-ness? This term was coined by Thomas Lewis, M.D, Fari Amini, M.D. and Richard Lannon, M.D. in their book A General Theory of Love. Scientists have discovered that our emotional states have a measurable effect on other people. Researchers at the Heartmath Institute have demonstrated that our nervous systems generate electromagnetic fields that not only extend out from our bodies, but actually interact with and influence the nervous systems of other people. Yeah, I know. Trippy. Whoa. This means that we can (and do) influence our spouse’s emotional experience just by the emotional experience we are having.

The opportunity: Bring more skill and consciousness to your own emotional states. Practice emotional intelligence. Be aware of this wordless, profound effect you have on each other.

Which of these theories makes most sense to you?
Which opportunity will you take today?
Please comment.

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